An Ode to Facebook

This isn't really going to be in ode form, but I have been thinking about Facebook a lot lately. Could be because I work at a college and it is the best way to communicate with students (that is, if you don't count actual real-live-face-to-face conversations). But I really think it is because this fall is coming up on my One Year Anniversary with Facebook. This weekend it will be exactly a year ago that I headed to East Africa for a bit, and it was while there that I finally folded to the pressure to join. Honestly, it was part peer pressure and part loneliness as the actual moment I joined came as I sat at my friend's kitchen table one morning and remembered that I did have friends somewhere on the other side of the world. I mean, nothing like a cyber-counter of how many friends you actually have to make you feel loved, right?

So thus began my love/hate relationship with the social networking phenomenon of the century. One of my favorite (and least favorite) aspects of the thing is the "Status Updates." Usually my pattern when I check my account is to look at the Status Updates to keep up with the going-ons of all my "friends." And then I usually think, "hmm, maybe I should update my status." And if I am feeling particularly clever or particularly fired up about something I might change it. And I'll admit: I have been one of those people who has changed their status more than once in a day. But I also have times where I'll go through a phase where I won't update it because one, I am not feeling particularly clever or two, I'm not sure that people really desire to know that I am about to grocery shopping.

More so, perhaps, is that I don't really feel comfortable posting what "Kate Davelaar is" really thinking/feeling/doing. Clearly some people are very comfortable--one might argue too comfortable--with sharing with fellow social networkers what their true status is. And I get it, if the point is to really help others feel connected there should be some level of honesty. But if I was always honest my status would be updated constantly with statements like Kate is emotionally eating (again), totally confused, wonders if a pair of jeans exists that would magically make her butt look firmer, checking her email for the bazillionth time today, has a heart that aches, feels like a fraud, perhaps put too many flax seeds in her cereal, amazed at some of the cars that these students drive, exhausted, trying her damnedest to keep her fern alive, inspired, so nervous she might vomit, contemplating putting tequila in her morning OJ, actually happy to be in Holland, in love with the new basket on her bike, thinks she could perhaps get a gig as a speech writer...anyway, you get the point.

The tension that exists in my life right now is that I do desire to be real, to be known, to trust that regardless of whatever thought/feeling I have, I will be accepted, liked and loved. And at the same time, recognize that my life is quite an enmeshed web of relationships both personally and professionally, and so sometimes complete and utter honesty is truly not an option. So I suppose the trick is to learn to live in the tension and be grateful for the spaces and places that exist where I know I am accepted, liked and loved.

That being said, Happy Anniversary Facebook. And though I can't decide if I feel less or more connected to others because of you, I do thank you for giving me an outlet for my innate ability to procrastinate. Can't wait to see you on the big screen.