You can only read this post if you promise not to panic.

This past week I have been adjusting to life here in Arusha. Am I fully adjusted? No way. Will I be before I leave? Probably not. But I am hoping this won’t bother me given that I am not expecting to feel fully adjusted. Holding loosely to your expectations...that has never been easy for me. We can try to anticipate and guess what might await us, but (in my experience anyway) life continues to throw us a good zinger every once in a while.

In an email a few days before I left the States my friend Elizabeth sent a heads up on some happenings here in Arusha. In the past few weeks there have been a few security incidences, specifically targeting white people. This has been very concerning for the community in Arusha because it is a rather small community and this kind of behavior was very atypical. She wanted to warn me and let me know that she understood if I didn't want to come anymore. Well hello, of course I was still going to go! Not just because I am Dutch and couldn't stand to lose an $1800 plane ticket, but also because this was a chance to spend some time in Africa and I wasn't planning on giving that up. But for a moment, my expectations as to how safe I might feel here did change for a bit. Then I got here and I found that I didn't really feel any less safe and things had really seemed to calm down (according to those who live here).

The other night, however, there was another incident that has again raised some concerns. A group of men robbed the restaurant and bar at a local club and killed one of the bartenders. This isn't just any club. It is a club that caters to the ex-pat community and is where many go to work out, play rugby or just socialize. I went there my first day (and we go there a few times a week to work out and hang out) and was extremely blown away with the contrast of this place with the rest of Arusha that I had seen (side note: I had meant to write a blog on the differences between these two worlds that I had seen in one day. To pull out the 'ol social justice soapbox and talk about the tensions that exist within our world between the "haves" and "have nots." But, I never got around to it. It seemed like too daunting of a task to put into words...and I was still jet lagged. I wish I had, however, because I think it would have made this post a: shorter, b: more impacting and c: easier to fully understand). As people have been talking about the robbery, it doesn't seem that surprising that the club was a target. It is poorly secured and well known as a hub for ex-pats.

But that doesn't make it any easier to understand.

So what will happen now? Security will probably be tightened around the club. Perhaps some walls will be built. People who were there will replay the scene in their head and many "what if..." scenarios will inhabit the minds of even those who weren't there to witness it. The minds of all will become a breeding ground for fear, anxiety, bitterness and anger. And none of this will make it easier to understand.

Bottom line, the other night expectations again shifted. The new college graduate who envisioned the adventures of her first year teaching overseas suddenly is hit with the reality that she feels very, very far from home. The new bride of the bartender who envisioned growing old with her husband is suddenly hit with the reality that she is a very, very young widow. And many black Tanzanians (whether they realize it or not) will suddenly find themselves lumped into a stereotype that invokes fear, anger and prejudice whenever they approach a white person.

This definitely is not easy to understand. But, I do ask for you to understand that I do not wish for you to worry or be anxious for me (or others here). Yes, you can pray for us...pray for safety and that fear, anger and bitterness will have no place in our hearts or our minds. And know that we do exercise caution and common sense but for the most part we go on with life as usual. Like I've said, life can throw you a zinger. And this can happen whether you are in Arusha, Tanzania or Holland, Michigan. The best we can do, I suppose, is to continue to hold loosely to our expectations while at the same time hold even more tightly to our hope for the redemption of this broken (and often difficult to understand) world.