You shouldn't love your spouse more than cheese...

This past week I was down in Dar es Salaam visiting some friends from the Dominican Republic (Charlie and Nancy Crane). It’s crazy that I have multiple DR connections here in Tanzania but then again, the world is a pretty crazy place.

It’s hard to fully describe Charlie & Nancy as they are unlike any people I have ever met. Perhaps this comes from the fact that they have lived in at least 7 different countries (he works for USAID), they have a steady stream of Peace Corp Volunteers and other vagabonds staying at their house in whichever country they live, they have raised three remarkable children, and they seem to fit in effortlessly in whichever country and community they find themselves in (though I know from conversations with them that it does indeed take a lot of effort!).

Nancy has really found her niche here in Tanzania. She is truly passionate about educating people on sex, specifically what the Bible has to say (or not say) about sex. In the past couple of years she has been able to give her talks to a few different groups of young people (young = anyone who is not yet married) here in Dar. I had the chance to go with her while she spoke to a university group for the first time, as well as sit in on a conversation the following evening with a group of young church leaders who had heard this talk a few months ago. While many of the lessons she taught may seem basic (i.e. God has designed sex for marriage, sex is to be enjoyed, rape is wrong, multiple sex partners at one time is not a good idea) it truly was radical information for many.

Sex is not talked about here. But it doesn’t mean that there isn’t an abundance of sex being had. While this may seem like a sexually conservative culture on the outside, if you dig a bit deeper you discover that sex and sexual relationships are perhaps even more complex and convoluted than they are in the States. I learned this weekend that it is not uncommon for people to have various partners depending on what ‘needs’ they might have, that most women are raped at some point (though they wouldn’t call it that) and that many university students are involved in transactional sex (i.e. a young woman will find herself offered rides to and from her village and in return ‘asked’ for sex).

While I didn’t agree with every single point that Nancy made, I completely agree that sex ought to be talked about more in the church. Kudos to her for talking about sex and encouraging others to talk about it as well.

The most comical point in the evening at the university came after 2 ½ hours of sex talk. Dunford, the leader of the group, decided it would be a good time for an altar call (side note: this solidified the thought I have had for a while that if I ever write a book it will be entitled “Altar Calls”). Why on earth he thought that, I have no idea. But he got out his best preacher voice and was backed by a synthesizer playing quietly in the background some of the cheesiest (in my personal opinion) worship songs. Anyway, he was on a roll and I was really getting tired and just wanted to sit down but we were adamantly encouraged to “stand before the Lord,” when I swear I heard him say, “You shouldn’t love your spouse more than cheese!” What?!? After daring to open my eyes and take a quick glance around, It didn’t take me too long to figure out that it was more likely that he said “more than Jesus” but at that point I had already lost it. So there I was, the only mzungu woman in the crowd with the giggles during the altar call.

And all I really kept thinking was,”hmm…I really like cheese. If I ever have a spouse that might be a hard one for me…”

YL

I spent this afternoon with Jackie and Alex. Alex is the area director of Young LIfe here in Arusha and so we got together to talk about, of course, Young Life. And they also answered my many questions about Swahili, how to get around on the Daladalas, explained the dowry system (they are getting married in a month), told me that American TV is setting the standard for dating relationships (Lord help us all), explained the political climate of various African countries and tried to settle the question of what, exactly, is the proper way to pronounce Tanzania. It was a great afternoon.

Young Life with the nationals in Arusha has taken off great guns. But the Young Life staff in Arusha has taken some hits over the past year. Both the North American females hired to run the International Schools YL Club have resigned. Alex was eager for me to jump in and get Club going again but after talking this afternoon realized that was not the best option. So, while I am here I am going to meet weekly with the newest YL staff member (another young woman from the States) who has been hired to do YL in a town an hour away from here. Here would be another opporune time to pull out a soapbox (this one being titled: "A Million and One Reasons Not to Send Young, Single Females to Start Young Life in Another Country All By Themselves") but I won't. Aside from spending time with Alisa, I am just going to try to support Alex in whatever way I can.

On another YL note, tomorrow I head to Dar es Salaam. It is about a 9 hour bus ride and I am not sure on the leg room situation. I am not even fully sure on the seat room situation! I am going to visit Nancy and Charlie Crane who became great friends while I worked for YL in the Dominican Republic. They housed YL Club every other week in the capital as well as housed me because I would commute down from Santiago to help run the Club. They now live in Dar and I am thrilled that I will get to be with them for a week. I am planning on spending a couple of days in Zanzibar (get out your maps) as well. Should be a good week.

One thing I like about Elizabeth is...

Somehow I found myself in a group of friends in the past couple of years who have this tradition of sharing "one thing" they like about the birthday person on their birthday. It can be kind of awkward ( especially if there are people in the group who don't really know the birthday person) but usually it works out just fine. And usually there is one person (Lauren or Katie) who tries to name more than one thing they like about the person. Anyway, today is Elizabeth's birthday. So I thought I would share one thing I like about Elizabeth in the form of one very long run-on sentence...

I like Elizabeth because she can think of a song for every situation and she is more than happy to share it with others while she serves them delicious food (that she has made from scratch even in a country where you can't always find what you need or you have to use soured cream cheese for a cheesecake that you auctioned it off at a church fundraiser) and I like that when in large groups and something strikes me as funny (but no one else seems to think so) I can count on catching her eye across the room knowing that she thought it was funny too and later we can talk about it and laugh...a lot and not only do we laugh a lot but sometimes we cry and that's okay too and she is an incredible teacher (whether it be her 3rd grade class or trying to teach me the correct form of a TaeBo kick) and she is the best beverage maker of anyone I know (insert whatever kind of beverage you would like) and she has graciously allowed me to live with her, her husband and their two dogs for the next few months. Bottom line, I like Elizabeth. Okay one more thing, she still runs even though her pregnant belly sometimes bumps the front of the treadmill (and, for those of you who I told I was excited to run with her because now she would probably run my speed...I was wrong. She still kicks my ass.)

So Happy Birthday Elizabeth, you are the best around and nothing's ever gonna keep you down (even if you don't get all my song references).

Step by Step

No, the title is not referencing one of the many hits from everyone's favorite teenage band: NKOTB (I suppose when I say everyone, I specifically mean everyone who was a teenage girl about 15ish years ago). Step by Step is the name of a learning center here in Arusha. It is one of Omega's ongoing projects (Omega being Paul's NGO) and it is where I spent some time yesterday morning. The story of this school, and more specifically the mother who started this school, is remarkable. If you want a brief overview of the school you can click here. The website doesn't fully express the perseverance, intelligence, compassion, sense of humor and love for her daughter that Margaret possesses. I am in awe of this woman. She brings the idea of advocacy and passion to a whole new level.

Most of my time was spent yesterday morning reading with Umesalma. She is probably in her upper teens but has the mental capacity and social skills of a lower elementary student. Umesalma is quite intelligient, but lacks a great deal of social awareness. She, like all the students at Step by Step, is so full of love and wishes to share it with anyone who walks in the door. On one level, her ability to love and trust others is inspiring; but on another level it can to dangerous situations. Anyway, we spent most of our time reading to each other and doing written excercises on gerunds (quick: anyone remember what a gerund is?). She clearly knew how to make a gerund, but didn't always understand the content of the sentences. After gerund-ing the word "take" in this sentence, "Sheena does not like taking drugs," Umesalma turned to me and said, "what are drugs." I had about a 5 second string of panicky thoughts that ranged from, "Just Say No!" to "what if her parents need her to take medicine (and call them drugs) and I tell Umesalma that drugs are bad for you." What to do?!?! So I simply said something like, "Drugs are something that people take sometimes and they aren't always good for you." Nice and ambiguous. I was ready for further questions but Umesalma simply said, "Okay" and moved on to the next sentence, "Orango dislikes drinkig alcohol." Thankfully this one passed without any questions.

I am hoping to get to Step by Step regularly...I mean, I am Umesalma's "favorite teacher" right now. Flattering. But I quickly realized that her true favorite is Paul. When she realized I was leaving with teacher Margaret at lunch she looked disappointed. I thought, "that's so sweet." But then she said, "so that means Paul isn't coming to pick you up?" That was the source of her true disappointment. Oh well.

Currently I am sitting in Paul and Elizabeth's living room watching some "professionals" cut down trees in their back yard. It is going to be a miracle if they don't end up with an unwanted skylight in their house.

And finally, for everyone who was hoping this post was indeed a NKOTB reference...

Step by step
Gonna get to you girl
Step by step ooh baby
Gonna get to you girl
Step by step ooh baby
Really want you in my world

Hey girl in your eyes
I see a picture of me all the time
And girl when you smile
You got to know that you drive me wild

Step by step Ooh baby
Youre always on my mind
Step by step Ooh girl
I really think its just a matter of time

On a lighter note...

I sailed through jet-lag like a champ. Unfortunately, I think I may have discovered I have an allergy to dust. This is unfortunate since it looks like this anytime we drive anywhere...

You can only read this post if you promise not to panic.

This past week I have been adjusting to life here in Arusha. Am I fully adjusted? No way. Will I be before I leave? Probably not. But I am hoping this won’t bother me given that I am not expecting to feel fully adjusted. Holding loosely to your expectations...that has never been easy for me. We can try to anticipate and guess what might await us, but (in my experience anyway) life continues to throw us a good zinger every once in a while.

In an email a few days before I left the States my friend Elizabeth sent a heads up on some happenings here in Arusha. In the past few weeks there have been a few security incidences, specifically targeting white people. This has been very concerning for the community in Arusha because it is a rather small community and this kind of behavior was very atypical. She wanted to warn me and let me know that she understood if I didn't want to come anymore. Well hello, of course I was still going to go! Not just because I am Dutch and couldn't stand to lose an $1800 plane ticket, but also because this was a chance to spend some time in Africa and I wasn't planning on giving that up. But for a moment, my expectations as to how safe I might feel here did change for a bit. Then I got here and I found that I didn't really feel any less safe and things had really seemed to calm down (according to those who live here).

The other night, however, there was another incident that has again raised some concerns. A group of men robbed the restaurant and bar at a local club and killed one of the bartenders. This isn't just any club. It is a club that caters to the ex-pat community and is where many go to work out, play rugby or just socialize. I went there my first day (and we go there a few times a week to work out and hang out) and was extremely blown away with the contrast of this place with the rest of Arusha that I had seen (side note: I had meant to write a blog on the differences between these two worlds that I had seen in one day. To pull out the 'ol social justice soapbox and talk about the tensions that exist within our world between the "haves" and "have nots." But, I never got around to it. It seemed like too daunting of a task to put into words...and I was still jet lagged. I wish I had, however, because I think it would have made this post a: shorter, b: more impacting and c: easier to fully understand). As people have been talking about the robbery, it doesn't seem that surprising that the club was a target. It is poorly secured and well known as a hub for ex-pats.

But that doesn't make it any easier to understand.

So what will happen now? Security will probably be tightened around the club. Perhaps some walls will be built. People who were there will replay the scene in their head and many "what if..." scenarios will inhabit the minds of even those who weren't there to witness it. The minds of all will become a breeding ground for fear, anxiety, bitterness and anger. And none of this will make it easier to understand.

Bottom line, the other night expectations again shifted. The new college graduate who envisioned the adventures of her first year teaching overseas suddenly is hit with the reality that she feels very, very far from home. The new bride of the bartender who envisioned growing old with her husband is suddenly hit with the reality that she is a very, very young widow. And many black Tanzanians (whether they realize it or not) will suddenly find themselves lumped into a stereotype that invokes fear, anger and prejudice whenever they approach a white person.

This definitely is not easy to understand. But, I do ask for you to understand that I do not wish for you to worry or be anxious for me (or others here). Yes, you can pray for us...pray for safety and that fear, anger and bitterness will have no place in our hearts or our minds. And know that we do exercise caution and common sense but for the most part we go on with life as usual. Like I've said, life can throw you a zinger. And this can happen whether you are in Arusha, Tanzania or Holland, Michigan. The best we can do, I suppose, is to continue to hold loosely to our expectations while at the same time hold even more tightly to our hope for the redemption of this broken (and often difficult to understand) world.

Japanese Pies

So Paul and I had lunch today at a restaurant called "Japanese Fast Food & Beer." There were many, many funny things about this experience...like the fact that the restaurant was "in" an old container that you use to ship goods to other countries and there was karaoke (mostly Elton John and Phil Collins) on 3 screens (which would be even funnier to you if you could visualize the size of the restaurant). But, perhaps the funniest was the menu. Specifically, the "recipe" for Japanese Pie. Try reading this in front of the very attentive waitstaff while keeping a straight face (you can click the picture to enlarge)

I could not partake in the Japanese PIe because of my body's rejection of shell fish. But Paul decided it would be fun to test out the "recipe." If you are ever in Arusha and have a hankering for Japanese Fast Food, I know just the place.

Spreek je Nederlands?

After a day of travel, I am in Africa. It still baffles me how you can wake up one morning in one country and then go to sleep that night (or maybe the next night...I think I lost a day in there somehow) on the other side of the world. Travel went very smoothly and the big highlight was that on the second long flight there was an empty seat next to me so I had a place to put my legs. Another highlight was that I got to live into my cultural roots a bit--the flight attendent on KLM spoke to me in Dutch for the duration of the 8 hour flight. Apparently I look Dutch (go figure) and since my end of the conversation consisted of one word responses ('water,' 'yes,' 'pasta') or a smile and a nod, I kept him going on the Dutch thing. I am glad he never asked point blank if I were Dutch. I would have felt pretty stupid saying that yes, technically I am Dutch, I live in a place called Holland, I own wooden shoes and know some Dutch dance moves, but I only know one Dutch word (gezellig).

I am moving on from Dutch, however, into Swahili. I have already had about 5 encounters where I felt like a stupid white person and I haven't even been anywhere except the airport and Paul & Elizabeth's house. No worries, Paul just handed me a Simplified Swahili book. Something tells me, however, that no one is going to mistake me for a Tanzanian anytime soon...

Good People

Just a few of the people I am going to miss...thanks to everyone who showed up to eat, drink and say adios (especially that big guy in the background with the Diet Coke). And Juliana Else, your corn dish was a hit once again!

"I'm a runner...and I'm running..."

So apparently this year I became a runner (which gives further evidence that one ought to follow the advice of my first blog post). I started running one day in January when I had some energy to get out and the elliptical machine wasn't going to cut it. Then some of my friends convinced me to run a 5K with them, which turned into more 5Ks and then one week I found myself doing interval training on a track paired with a "long run" on the weekend. And this past week I got these:
New running shoes. A few weeks ago I started having achy calves when I ran and after I ran I could barely walk down stairs. At first I blamed it the fact that I had worn heels to a wedding and hit the dance floor pretty hard. And then when after a couple of weeks it didn't go away, I was convinced that it was true: my body hit its physical peak at the age of 28. Someone suggested that I might need new shoes, which was quickly confirmed by the friendly people at Gazelle. I had to order them online (a common problem for those with larger feet) and thus had my pick of colors. I went with "Lightening Ice" because they sounded speedy and I was hopeful they would help me run faster.

Nope.

In fact, my first run while sporting the Lightening Ice was perhaps the crappiest run I have had in months. The good news was that my calves didn't hurt, but the bad news was that I was ready to quit running by the time I got home. I had heard that running was mental but didn't really understand this until I became a "runner." I still don't quite get why one day I feel like I could run forever and the next I feel like I'll be lucky to make it to the next street corner. I think some of it has to do with simply believing that you can run. Believing that you did it before, so you can do it again. Trusting that even though you had a crappy run today, tomorrow's run might be the best of your life. And you just tell yourself, "I'm a runner, I'm running...because that's what runners do."

I leave for Africa in two days. I like to think that that I am not running away from things...but I also know that there are many things here that I would like to run away from. I guess the best I can do is pack the Lightening Ice and hope that I come back from Africa still running.